Are you the type of person who feels hurt when people seem to have forgotten the favours you’ve done for them or when they simply fail to appreciate when you’ve gone out on a limb to help them?
Well I know I certainly have been quite emotionally wounded in the past when people have failed to appreciate my endeavours on their behalf. In fact this has happened so frequently in my life it eventually led me to ponder just why these situations seemed to happen to me so often?
Finally the answer dawned on me. It was because I had been expecting recognition, appreciation and sometimes even gratitude from these people I thought I’d done so much to help.
You see in my new perspective the phrase this or that person “owes me a favour”, is no longer given houseroom in my mind.
The reason? Well in a way it’s simple. All disappointment is driven by expectations not being met.
The lesson? Expecting things (especially from people) is a great way of setting yourself up for disappointment!!
I’ll say it again, you see when we expect the recipients of our good deeds and favours to openly recognise them, appreciate them and even show gratitude for them we immediately set ourselves up for disappointment.
And while we’re having this little chat lets be totally frank! People performing kindnesses for others so that they can receive the type of responses described above probably aren’t acting for the best reasons anyway.
My request to you then is straightforward and it’s also very, very simple. It is that you do not eventually seize doing things to help others (especially your nearest and dearest), but instead you stop expecting to get anything at all back for the things that you do.
Take solace in the unwritten law that says:
“The hand that takes from you is so often different to the one that gives back to you”.
My experience and the experience of many, many others is that the universe will give back to you if you simply give to others.
I have often said that the purest form of charity is anonymous charity. Consequently I have the utmost admiration for those that give to deserving causes and who make it conditional that their identities are kept secret. You see these ‘secret people’ are obviously not interested in the glory that can sometimes accompany open and perhaps even ostentatious giving. Now don’t get me wrong! I’m not condemning people who give to charity in an open way for this cannot surely be construed as a bad thing. What I am saying however, is that I believe the purest form of giving is when it’s done without any fanfare and without the expectation or need of acknowledgement, recognition, or perhaps even openly expressed gratitude.
In much the same way, if you do favours and kindnesses for others and expect nothing in return first and foremost you will never, ever be disappointed. Secondly, what purer form of giving can there actually be then when you help or give to others you do it unconditionally and especially without expectation?
So don’t let people’s failure to appreciate your kind heart eventually turn you into a mean, cantankerous old cynic. Instead carefully monitor and manage your own expectations and I absolutely promise you it will lead to a whole new happier and less frustrated you.