So should we go about doing favours and other stuff for free when ever we get chance and expecting nothing in return?
No! Absolutely not …. and if you’re in business and you keep doing this then it could eventually send you bust.
Here’s my take on it. If you’re doing something as favour then generally speaking it’s something that’s done for free. If it’s paid for then it’s not really a favour. In our culture it is common for favours to be exchanged in business and this is quite fair and it’s quite acceptable.
However one of my favourite sayings is: “Gratitude has a shelf life (and “people’s memories are short”) and this applies more in business than any other field.
People who seem profoundly grateful for what you’ve done for them today can have forgotten all about it a few days later (even less in some cases). So if you’re doing a favour to get a favour back make sure you ask for your return favour as soon after the favour you’ve granted. If you leave it too long then you might find your request is not as well received as you might have expected. When you have left it a long time then it usually pays to remind people very specifically of past favour(s) before asking for yours in return. If you do this then you will likely get a better outcome and better quality response to your request.
And lets face it, it doesn’t really pay people to remain grateful for favours for too long, it works to people’s advantage to have “a memory of convenience”. Perhaps they think if they forget your favour then hopefully you eventually will forget it too and there’s no less danger of your holding it over their head in the future. Indeed in my experience I have noticed that some people can become quite indignant if you bring up favours you’ve done for them that they consider to be way in the past, they can behave almost like you’re ‘raking over old coals’.
In conclusion: It’s quite legitimate for favours performed in business to be part of barter and part of negotiation. With this in mind you are usually better to negotiate your return favour at the same time you agree (or offer) to do one for somebody else. And remember seeking a return favour afterwards can on occasion backfire and as I have eluded to earlier, the longer you leave it the more difficult it will be to enjoy reciprocation.
Yes I know this blog entry contradicts at least some of what was said in the previous blog entry but that was directed towards doing things and favours for your nearest and dearest. By contrast this blog is written in case you thought I’d gone all-soft on you and this information is offered mainly for use in a business context.
Just one word of warning: Whether your favours and good deeds are performed in business or for your nearest and dearest, if you have individuals who consistently fail to appreciate the good stuff you do for them then do yourself a favour and stop doing favours for them, they just don’t deserve your kindness and you’re just opening yourself up for ongoing abuse and exploitation.
In my next blog I am going to link to this topic and explain how you can use gratitude in a very positive way to have behaviours you want repeated and how you can have behaviours you don’t like either stopped or reduced.
This is powerful stuff so don’t miss it…see you soon.