We’ve talked about this a little in a previous blog entry and now I want to flesh this out a bit for you so that you fully understand how you can use the simple dynamic of appreciation in a positive way and especially as a means to having people repeat actions and behaviours that you like and desire.
Were you just being taken for granted?
Have you ever been in the situation where you feel that you've done a lot for somebody, perhaps even gone out on a limb but it never seems to be appreciated? If this has happened to you then the chances are that eventually you probably felt you were just being taken for granted and you stopped doing what you had been doing.
The lesson then is a fairly simple one and it this: ‘There really is no substitute for showing quick and spontaneous appreciation’ for the things we like and the things we approve of . Indeed when we do show appreciation we massively increase the chance of their being repeated and by the same token we cause them to eventually seize by ignoring them.
Indeed natures provides us with proof of this in the process that psychologists call ‘positive reinforcement’.
Doing amazing tricks!
For example, if you've ever seen dolphins or even Wales doing amazing tricks then you will almost certainly have noticed that after each trick has been successfully performed the animal is immediately rewarded with one of its favourite treats…. usually their favourite fish. Similarly, horses can be trained by using a tasty tit-bit such as a sugar lump each time the horse complies with it’s trainers wishes.
The need for appreciation and for recognition is burned deep into the psyche
In the case of human beings you might be tempted to think we are more sophisticated than animals and are therefore we are resistant to such methods, however this is absolutely not the case. Indeed the need for appreciation and for recognition is burned deep into the psyche of most of us humans,
In fact so strong is this basic need that often we feel offended or emotionally wounded when our good behaviours or high performance go unacknowledged.
In his excellent little book ‘The One Minute Manager’ Kenneth Blanchard advises us:
“You have to catch your people doing something right”.
This is a clever but simple way of telling us that it is more common for us to be looking out for people doing things wrong and then correct them than it is to catch them doing something right and acknowledge and praise them for this.
I like to take things a stage further. If I do see someone going the extra mile i.e. doing something a little bit special then I will do my best to acknowledge it by saying something positive and if I feel the deed warrants it then I might even give them a small gift or some other type of tangible reward.
Rewards and punishments are actually the opposite of one another and no matter which you have to deliver I advocate that you ‘do it in the minute and not in the month’.
There is a high risk…
Put another way, if you allow the passage of time to become too long between the act that warranted the reward (or punishment) then there is a high risk that the recipient might become confused as to exactly why he (or she) is receiving it. At an emotional level it becomes much harder for him (or her) to associate reward/punishment with the act they performed that triggered the reward (or punishment).
More of the behaviours you desire and less of the ones you don’t.
So in a nutshell, the more instant you make your rewards (or punishment) then the more effective they will be in training your people to deliver more of the behaviours your desire and less of the ones you don’t.
Good salespeople tend to thrive on recognition
Just in case you are working with sales people you should be aware that in most cases they require a lot more emotional stroking than many other types of workers. Good salespeople tend to thrive on recognition even more than money and the very best of them usually enjoy being top dog. Of course money is vitally important to top performers but usually not as much as the accolade of being the top salesperson.
Increase the overall performance of a sales team
For these reason competitions that allow top performers to compete and reinforce their top dog status can often be highly effective for increasing the overall performance of a sales team.
In a meaningful relationship with another individual?
In conclusion then, my final tip is a fairly simple one. Whether you are a teacher a parent, a boss or just somebody in a meaningful relationship with another individual then you should be aware of the following in terms of behaviours:
“That which you appreciate and/or acknowledge is much more likely to be repeated and that which you punish is much more likely to diminish”.
Set out to acquire the habit of noticing
But please don’t just take my word for it on all of this; My humble suggestion is that from now on you set out to acquire the habit of noticing when people are doing what you like and what you particularly approve of and if nothing else you just simply make a point of passing a positive comment no matter how small or how short.
What a difference this approach makes to ongoing performance
Do this and very soon you will be amazed at how well your words of praise are received and at what a difference this approach makes to the ongoing performance of the recipients and to the respect and affection your receive from them.